The Bee Hive

A young 2nd Lieutenant was in the intelligence center of the Army. The building in which the intelligence center was housed also contained a number of other military units in the intelligence business. The lieutenant's commander, then a lieutenant colonel, had appointed the young lieutenant a supply officer. A short time later, when the lieutenant colonel was promoted to full colonel, his first official act was to summon the supply officer. He said, "Lieutenant, as you know, my new rank demands a new chair for my desk." It is true that the chairs of lieutenant colonels and colonels are the same, but the tops are different. The top of a colonel's chair is four inches wider than that of a light colonel and it has a full leather upholstery instead of PVC.

The lieutenant, saluting smartly said, "Congratulations on your promotion, sir. I anticipated that this might happen and had already put in an order for your chair through channels. But quite a few lieutenant colonels were promoted with you and it looks like three to six months before you get your chair."

The newly minted colonel was rightly unhappy; he knew that his fellow comrades would not consider him a real colonel until he had all the necessary possessions of his title. The young lieutenant asked, "Sir, are the usual supply rules active?" The colonel, smiling, asserted that they were. The lieutenant departed.

Every piece of furniture in the military has a stock keeping number, usually on a strip of plastic that is glued to the piece of inventory. Every supply officer has a little machine that produces these pieces of plastic. Further, things are moved from place to place in the military in 3 stages:

1. Move the item from the room it is in to the hallway outside the room where it was.
2. Move the item from the hallway outside the room where it was, to the hallway outside the room where it was going.
3. Move the item from the hallway outside the room where it is going, into the room where it belongs.

This process may appear absurd, but it generates 3 simple work orders instead of one complex one. And, you know where the item is located at every stage because of the work order instructions. The lieutenant was now ready for some reconnaissance.

The lieutenant first checked the inventory records of every unit in the building. He was searching for any colonel who was being reassigned, and possessed a colonel's chair, and whose unit was being reassigned to other quarters in the building. He found two. He further noted the number of days needed to accomplish the 3 steps and found the process would run into different weeks. This meant that the chair would be out in the hall either in front of where it was, or in front of where it was going, for a few days.

On the appointed day, the lieutenant assembled a four-man detail - including himself - wearing fatigues. He had the men pick up the newly minted colonel's chair and marched it through the hallway to where the desired chair was sitting, along with considerable other furniture. This building was heavily guarded with armed guards approximately every 50 meters, who watched every one who passed with great interest. But remember the following rule of the military: "if something looks right, you don't see it!" An officer with a work detail carrying a chair (all wearing their security badges around their necks) looks right, so they are invisible.

The lieutenant ordered his men to put the chair down next to the desired one, put them at ease, and informed them that "the smoking lamp is lit". All of this was happening within view of two guards, armed with M4s. It so happened that a (well-planned-for) changing of the guard took place while the detail was sitting on the chairs. The lieutenant meanwhile had deftly exchanged the plastic number on the desired chair with the number of his colonel's chair. He then ordered his men back to attention, told them to pick the desired chair, and marched his work detail back to his colonel's office with the spoils of war.

It is rumored that the 2nd lieutenant was promoted to 1st lieutenant early, for outstanding performance of his duties. And it is rumored that the incoming colonel, in the other unit, was greatly upset to discover that the chair for his new assignment was, no one knew why, not appropriate to his rank. But the that was a problem for his supply officer, wasn't it?